revelations

just realized that being isolated and alone from people is something i kinda prefer. just spent the whole weekend "studying" managing to get some work done. didnt go out to eat, didnt go party and bullshit, just in my room trying to study and taking eating breaks, or watching basketball games and nfl games. i guess i have a midterm this week so i got an excuse, but i kinda of like this.

there are times when im walking between classes and i see people that i know, and i try to avoid them to give that awkward greeting. i really dont know why i do this, i guess its just cause im tired of people judging me. id rather be alone and not be judged, then try being social and i guess being judged? idk that last paragraph seems very awkward. if you want clarification just ask.

thats why i want a girlfriend. i just want the companionship of one person, someone to spend my idle time with, someone to be there when i really need help, and someone to satisfy me sexually (cmon im human, just being honest). i cant explain how good of a boyfriend i would be, i would never cheat on her, never disrespect her, never harm her, never lie to her. i wish there was some way i could show this girls, but i keep to myself so its hard to show this.

so i guess im just gonna continue to do my best in school, and keep working and saving money. on my tumblr you know im trying to get some toys and begin making some music. but for now, just need to stay focused, hungry, and diligent.

plus i need to work out. like really.