everything

is falling down

depression comes in cycles

i dont want to hang out with anyone right now, i dont want put emo posts on facebook, twitter, or tumblr either......i just want to be alone.

i need to get myself together........

is anyone still in here?

hello?

yo no emo

killing myself would be nice right now

im sorry i havent been updating this

but ive just been busy. life is alright i guess. its summer though, shouldnt i have more time/fun

cant put into words

how i feel right now. just tired of always feeling bad, unmotivated, and like shit. summer is coming soon, i need a vacation man

to be honest

i fucking hate losing. basically i hate it when i dont achieve my goals

aint nothing wrong, aint nothing right

Damn, I know its been a long time since an update but to tell you the truth nothing new has really happened.

Last quarter I did kinda good in school, but as always I could have done better. This quarter however, I seem to be focusing more. I have cut off a lot of distractions like FB, laker games, and going out. It has allowed me to study more, sleep better, but then again it has made me antisocial.

I kinda dont care anymore. I am starting to realize that I prefer to be alone most of the time. I dont like people telling me what to do, and I dont like being judged by anyone. Id rather not deal with that bullshit and get my stuff done. Then again, you enjoy life better with people, but I feel like I want to do good in school and set myself to enjoy later on. That is what my parents advised me to do, and I am already halfway through college I might as well start investing.

Just last year I had a set of goals, I didnt meet them but I plan to do the same right now

1. get back to 220 pound range

2. save 1k just emergency

3. Get straight A's

4. Look for an accounting internship for the summer.

Yah those are my goals for the quarter. i am trying my best to fulfill them. Anyway, im hustlin right now, so I will ttyl

im tired of feeling like shit all the time

but nothing will change unless i do anything. i keep telling myself that but......

fuck

school, money, materialism, work, expectations

are you really happy with what you are doing? does learning about some random shit you are never gonna use in your life make you feel good? and does doing well on a test based on pure memorization without learning the true concept mean anything? do you really want to go to college or are you being forced by society, capitalism, parents? are learning what you really want to learn?

ask yourself.

relocate

i kinda migrated to a new blogging system --> aphaseick.tumblr.com

this blogging site seems more media friendly, plus the system is more cleaner and simpler than blogger. if you want to see me give small updates, you should probably look there. so heres a rundown of how to follow my meaningless life

http://www.facebook.com/john.concillo --> you really cannot follow me here, its more like i follow you

twitter.com/john__Sea --> up to the minute pointless updates

aphaseick.tumblr.com --> funny cool types of media i have come across, inspirational quotes, thoughts from my mind

http://johnconcillo.blogspot.com --> more intimate breakdown of my life. a diary i want to be read by only my closet followers.

so yah, check up on this site once in a while to see how I am really doing. As for now its just school and work. yah nothing much. my birthday is coming up, but im not expecting much out of it, just a good time to relax, eat a good meal, watch the All Star game, and hang out with my friends back home. Thats all I can really ask for on my birthday. but until then, im just working hard and hardly working.

revelations

just realized that being isolated and alone from people is something i kinda prefer. just spent the whole weekend "studying" managing to get some work done. didnt go out to eat, didnt go party and bullshit, just in my room trying to study and taking eating breaks, or watching basketball games and nfl games. i guess i have a midterm this week so i got an excuse, but i kinda of like this.

there are times when im walking between classes and i see people that i know, and i try to avoid them to give that awkward greeting. i really dont know why i do this, i guess its just cause im tired of people judging me. id rather be alone and not be judged, then try being social and i guess being judged? idk that last paragraph seems very awkward. if you want clarification just ask.

thats why i want a girlfriend. i just want the companionship of one person, someone to spend my idle time with, someone to be there when i really need help, and someone to satisfy me sexually (cmon im human, just being honest). i cant explain how good of a boyfriend i would be, i would never cheat on her, never disrespect her, never harm her, never lie to her. i wish there was some way i could show this girls, but i keep to myself so its hard to show this.

so i guess im just gonna continue to do my best in school, and keep working and saving money. on my tumblr you know im trying to get some toys and begin making some music. but for now, just need to stay focused, hungry, and diligent.

plus i need to work out. like really.