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sometimes i cant handle this stress anymore. i hate living under constant worrying, and facing disappointment and failure after all the hard work i put in. i just....i dont know what to do anymore.

Letter to my brother

Paulo,

Its almost been 5 years since you've passed away. Probably one of the craziest/weirdest days in my life, I still think about it from time to time. That day single handedly changed my life in so many ways. I still dont know if there is an after life, and even if there is I dont know if you are expecting more from me. I have made some mistakes and some accomplishments over the past 5 years, but I am just trying my best everyday. If there is one thing I learned from your death, its that I should live everyday to the fullest. I know its hard to say that though because you cant have fun all the time, but I try to balance. I am at a weird point in my life, but I just wanted to let you know that I will never forget where we came from, the lessons you taught me, and to take care of our parents.

I am really trying my best everyday, I hope you can see that.

Patrick

eating, consistency, and procrastination

my problems

im just going to bitch on this blog from now on

usually after the quarter is over and i get a bad grade in a class, i am like "why was i so stupid i could have done so much better in this class."

but right now, this is the exact feeling i have where i just would rather die than fucking study. i wish i could meet me like 5 weeks from now and then punch myself in the face and say SCHOOLS NOT FUCKING EASY YOU ASSHOEL

man im going crazy i need to sleep FENDJWKGABENGRJABGHJIWRADFKNBJK

idk whats going on anymore

this weekend was a three day weekend, i should have been studying but im so tired of it. this week was my past bday, but i was too busy to enjoy it. plus i was expecting a lot more.

i feel like im burnt out. this is bad because i have been doing good so far in school. im tired of trying to get a gf and getting rejected. im tired of putting all my effort into getting good grades. im tired of worrying about getting a job after i graduate. im tired of trying to lose weight. im tired of regretting to follow my dreams. im tired of everything right now

but i cant give up. all i can do is whine and bitch on this blog.