allow me to reintroduce myself

1 year. 1 year of constant dissapointment, and a shitload of attempts to find an internship. today i got a confirmation that i will be starting a finance internship, 20 hrs / week, with good pay. im relieved. some stress has come off my back, the weight of world. i feel happy, and ive had so many thoughts over the year.

• you never know whats coming for you
• everybody you meet, helps you. dont destroy your connections
• a job is a job. no matter what anyone else say. you have to do what you have to do to get by.
• dont give up, stay humble, never lose focus. always strive and prosper
• never lose sight of who you are. have some pride. be what you want to be.
• family first. always first.
• money is just, money. its pointless in the end. some bullshit piece of paper

some random crap i want to get off my chest. i should relax and celebrate. but i cant. im going to continue to strive. this is the beginning. i never want to fall down that hole again.

untitled

sometimes i cant handle this stress anymore. i hate living under constant worrying, and facing disappointment and failure after all the hard work i put in. i just....i dont know what to do anymore.

Letter to my brother

Paulo,

Its almost been 5 years since you've passed away. Probably one of the craziest/weirdest days in my life, I still think about it from time to time. That day single handedly changed my life in so many ways. I still dont know if there is an after life, and even if there is I dont know if you are expecting more from me. I have made some mistakes and some accomplishments over the past 5 years, but I am just trying my best everyday. If there is one thing I learned from your death, its that I should live everyday to the fullest. I know its hard to say that though because you cant have fun all the time, but I try to balance. I am at a weird point in my life, but I just wanted to let you know that I will never forget where we came from, the lessons you taught me, and to take care of our parents.

I am really trying my best everyday, I hope you can see that.

Patrick

eating, consistency, and procrastination

my problems

im just going to bitch on this blog from now on

usually after the quarter is over and i get a bad grade in a class, i am like "why was i so stupid i could have done so much better in this class."

but right now, this is the exact feeling i have where i just would rather die than fucking study. i wish i could meet me like 5 weeks from now and then punch myself in the face and say SCHOOLS NOT FUCKING EASY YOU ASSHOEL

man im going crazy i need to sleep FENDJWKGABENGRJABGHJIWRADFKNBJK

idk whats going on anymore

this weekend was a three day weekend, i should have been studying but im so tired of it. this week was my past bday, but i was too busy to enjoy it. plus i was expecting a lot more.

i feel like im burnt out. this is bad because i have been doing good so far in school. im tired of trying to get a gf and getting rejected. im tired of putting all my effort into getting good grades. im tired of worrying about getting a job after i graduate. im tired of trying to lose weight. im tired of regretting to follow my dreams. im tired of everything right now

but i cant give up. all i can do is whine and bitch on this blog.

everything

is falling down